The 4th annual Evildoer’s conference was thrown into chaos this morning when it was reported that the caterer had totally run out of evil hors d’oeuvres. Several prominent members threatened to leave early.
“How am I supposed to scheme effectively if I’m not able to munch on kitten eyes?” complained the Great Green Ghoul, 147. “I mean, you come here for the total and utter lack of laws, but you stay for the chinchilla crackers. Why do I stay now? I mean they gave me a voucher for a free Spiderita, so I might check that out.”
The Evildoer’s Conference has been held in Hamsterdam Hill for the last 4 years, as the town’s proud lack of laws and remote location mean evildoers can enjoy a few days of rest, relaxation, and planning world domination without silly police or superhero interference.
By Tuesday afternoon, the monsters and interdimensional scoundrels were streaming out of the entrance, furious at the lack of snackage. But just as conference organizers began to admit defeat, The Dark Wizard Gary, feared throughout the land for his formidable skill with Blood Magic, but rarely seen, burst through the entrance. Gary, suspected of causing countless disappearances over the decades, pulled back his cloak to reveal bony hands and a skull-like face, and began to speak. The words, spoken in a hoarse and ancient voice, seemed to come not from his mouth but rather from all around the conference-goers, as if from the walls themselves. “Hear me, fellow evildoers! We cannot leave yet, as there is much evil work still to do! Do not try to resist me, or …my DEATH BROWNIES! It is IMPOSSIBLE! Because they are just so darn tasty. The secret ingredient is BLOOD…cinnamon. It’s like regular cinnamon, but a little DARKER red in color. And there are plenty for everyone, so no shoving.”