Local Swamp Creature Arrested After Doing Normal Stuff

Ham Hill police reported at 5:22 AM that they had successfully brought in Harold, the local swamp creature, into custody after a string of highly normal activity. “Look, we found this sentient pile of swamp gunk operating a motor vehicle. He doesn’t technically have feet, so we figured, gotta lock you up bud, sorry. Swamp creatures are not licensed to operate motor vehicles. Honestly, I feel for the guy. I mean there’s an appendage there, but its not overly foot-like. Had to be quite the feat to be driving that sucker at all,” noted police chief Sandy Sandy, 47.

Harold was defiant after being released on bond, and appeared in front of reporters, flanked by his wife of 45 years and their three swamp children. “This mindless prosecution of swamp creatures must stop! Ok, so maybe I did menace four or five people at the mini-mart before stealing that car, but that’s just what we swamp people do! We menace. You can’t be a swamp creature and not menace humans, at least a little bit. I mean, if you were an ancient, miraculously sentient 12-foot tall pile of stinking organic particulate, wouldn’t you occasionally menace the populace? Sure you would.”

The local chapter of the Swamp Society leapt to Harold’s defence following the arrest. “Listen, this is a being who exists possibly between dimensions not bound by time or space. Also, he’s been around for at least a millenia. What would you do if you were in a swamp for a millenia? Certainly not just twiddle your thumbs, I’d say. There’s not much to do in that swamp except gurgle and menace the occasional pot-smoking teenager,” argued Swamp Society chairman Ramdon Belkowitz, 68.

Harold is not expected to face any charges, because he has receded back into the deep swamp after being released on bond, and local police have said “no way in hell” are they “getting their jeans all wet.”